Jerry, you need to find god
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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