new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
