you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
