my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
