Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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