can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I checked into jail on foursquare
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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