Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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