I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
