dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
