I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
