I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You are a genius and a whore.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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