My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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