he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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