I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
