Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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