You made me cry and you don't even care
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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