so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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