stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
