he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize