i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
