i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
