I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
