I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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