my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
