The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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