Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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