I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
