Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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