I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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