I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
