when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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