He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
