Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
