You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
