Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
