Where did you get a picture of my penis
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
