Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
