Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
