you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
