dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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