oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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