Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
