I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
