The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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