wanna go halves on a baby?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
