Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
