Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
