Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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