Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
