How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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