Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
