we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
