If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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