my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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