They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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