But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
