Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
