walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
