She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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