The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
