you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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